"In every one of my relationships, I’ve been good and fair. What happens after they take that for granted… is not my problem. Chances are if they’re being written about in a way they don’t like, it’s because they hurt me really badly. Telling a story only works if you have characters in it. I don’t think it’s mean. I think it’s mean to hurt someone in a relationship."
IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Went On A Date With An MRA, And He Assaulted Me When I Wouldn't Have Sex With Him
Like you, I’ve had many dating missteps. From the guy who laughed at me because I’d never played “Grand Theft Auto,” to the guy who pinched my cheeks and kept calling me Babyface, to the guy who knocked over a bottle of red wine on the white sundress that I’d bought specifically for the date (RIP white sundress).I thought that I’d experienced the full gauntlet until I found myself on a date with a Men’s Rights Activist. MRAs, as they’re known throughout the blogosphere, have one unifying thread: a deeply ingrained disdain for women. Some want to punish women, others want women to solely pursue domestic interests like cooking — sewing and the like — while others just want to bang and discard as many women as possible.
Most girls are relentlessly told that we will be treated how we demand to be treated. If we want respect, we must respect ourselves.
This does three things. Firstly, it gets men off the hook for being held accountable for how they treat women. And secondly, it makes women feel that the mistreatment and sometimes outright violence they face due to their gender is primarily their fault. And thirdly, it positions women to be unable to speak out against sexism because we are made to believe any sexism we experience would not have happened if we had done something differently.
I cannot demand a man to respect me. No more than I can demand that anybody do anything. I can ask men to be nice to me. But chances are if I even have to ask he does not care to be nice. I can express displeasure when I’m not being respected. But that doesn’t solve the issue that I was disrespected in the first place.
I can choose to not deal with a man once he proves to be disrespectful and/or sexist. But even that does not solve the initial problem of the fact that I had to experience being disrespected in the first place.
As a young girl, I wish that instead of being told that I needed to demand respect from men that I had been told that when I am not respected by men that it’s his fault and not mine. But that would require that we quit having numerous arbitrary standards for what it means to be a “respectable” woman. It would mean that I am not judged as deserving violence based on how I speak, what I wear, what I do, and who I am.
—excerpt from “FYI, I Cannot “Demand” Respect From Men so Stop Telling Me That!" @ One Black Girl. Many Words. (via fajazo)
Taylor Swift (Ft. The Fans)
If you’ve ever been to a Taylor Swift concert, you’ve probably been struck by the same thing I have: at times her shows turn from a superstar performing for a sold out crowd, to the girl next door leading a sing along with 15,000 of her closest friends.
i already reblogged this but everybody just needs to see this